A couple years back, I saw Ben Settle post a tweet that was a screenshot of a guy replying to one of his emails.

It said:

“Do you have to sell in every email!?!?!”

Ben reposted that screenshot with the caption…

“I ain’t exactly running a charity here.”

LOL 🤣

Fast forward a few weeks, I was working with a guitar company on rewriting their welcome sequence.

They gave me access to their Klaviyo.

I hop in.

Start poking around.

21 drip email sequence.

Great open rates.

50%+.

Click through rates are high.

3-5%.

But sales… are…

ZERO?

That can’t… be right?

Friggin’ stupid Klaviyo is drunk again.

But after an hour of digging around, I found out Klaviyo was completely sober.

The emails had ZERO sales because the welcome sequence didn’t ASK for the sale 👀

They are either pointed to their YouTube channel or Instagram or their homepage.

I texted the owner who is a friend of mine…

💬 Yo! Why is there no offers or product plugs in the welcome sequence?

🗨️ Hey man! Do you think we should? I was thinking to warm people up first… get to know us before we try to sell them something… is that bad? 😶

I immediately start hyper-ventilating!

I grab my chest and fall to the floor!

My wife runs in…

ARE YOU OKAY!?!

“Heart… Hurts… Warm…Emails…No…Sales…”

“NO SALES!?”

She drags me to the car, tosses me in and rushes me to the ER room.

“What’s wrong with him ma’am???”

“Something about warm emails with no sales!”

“NO SALES!?!?!”

The nurse loses her sh*t, throws her clipboard at the wall and immediately takes me to a private hospital room where they line me up with oxygen and an IV to rehydrate from stress sweat.

Then the nurse looks at me dead in the face… big lady… white uniform…

“Now tell me again… who did this to you? Who built a warm list of leads and had zero sales?”

I wave my hand in a fatigued manner as I’m if telling her not to ask... it's too dark....

“YOU TELL ME NOW!”

She screams.

Starts pacing the room.

I realize this isn’t going well.

If she’s this mad now… wait until she figures out this business has 21 emails in that sequence!

I gotta get out of here and fast.

Thankfully I’m on the first floor of this ER.

So while Big Nurse Lady is angrily pacing back and forth mumbling odd buzz words (like "retention" and "profit margin") under her breath…

I slide the HUGE room window open, toss my foot out one at a time ...

​
And BOLT away! 🏃💨

While I’m running — I text my friend at the guitar company back.

💬 Will fix… on my way…!!!!

🗨️ Uh okay? lol

After running 13.87 miles to his guitar shop (at a killer pace a 7:37 per mile)…

I grab my friend by his collar shirt and start yelling…

“ARE YOU RUNNING A CHARITY!?!?!?!”

“What!?”

“Are you running a charity!?! Pro bono!? El gratis!? Freebie Friday everyday!? IS THIS WHAT YOU DO!?”

He’s eyes bulge.

He’s (rightfully) terrified.

“NO! What’s happening!?”

“Then WHY are you conditioning your people to NOT BUY from you!?”

“What’s happening!? Why are you doing this!”

”This is for your own good! We must condition them to buy!”

“Okay please! Stop! Whatever we want!”

I calm down…

Sweating…

Exhausted…

Then I eye a MacBook from the corner of my eye. Pace towards it. And begin furiously writing a new welcome sequence.

Which sold in every. single. email.

Then I close out Klaviyo.

Open Google Docs.

And starting writing THIS email...

😆😆😆

Now while some of this story mayyyyyyy have fabricated…

The emails I REALLY DID write for that business absolutely did slay.

And the tactics I used are 100% real.

And it’s one of the reasons I partnered with my friend, Svet (The Copy Titan) to put together a free 30 minute training on what he calls “Conversion Conditioning.”

Training your list to open, click, reply & buy from ya.

​Highly recommend checking it out here — it’s completely free.​

Enjoy!

Your copywriting friend,

Alin “Ain’t Exactly Running A Charity But Still Likes To Bless His People With Goods” Dragu